Khiva
Uzbekistan
I'm lost for words at the moment
Come back in a few days when I've found some.
Blah blah
Must be a sign
Blah
Blah
Bohemian Silhouetto
Blah
Blah
Picture postcard perfect
The rest is film-set-tastic. Medieval and Gothic vibes, wonky red tiled rooves, a maze of cobbly traffic-free lanes, imposing churches, rows of tall merchant houses, working mills, and a perfect town square. Český’s flawless preservation belies the political rollercoaster it has survived.
The too-good-to-be-true quality is perfectly represented by the ornate stonework of the burgher houses. It’s actually not stonework at all, but trompe l’oeil painting and sgraffito. A traditional con – sorry, technique - repeated across Bohemia. It seems those canny merchants wanted to show off their lavish wealth, without lavishing it on stone masons. The effect certainly contributes to the feeling of strolling through a contradiction.
This trompe l’oeil trickery is deployed to great effect in Český Krumlov Castle itself. True to the deception theme, the town’s joker card sits on a huge bluff over the river, engulfing the ridge, and eclipsing the town below. It’s particularly dramatic at night, with emphatic floodlighting leaving little doubt who’s boss here.
This is Bohemia’s second-largest castle, behind Prague, so, naturally, it pulls no punches.
Trompe l'oeil trickery
A central passageway climbs gradually through its towers and courtyards, offering glimpses of the town below from passing balconies. Until it reaches one of the Castle’s most showy features, the Cloak Bridge. Giant arches span the castle moat like an aqueduct, supporting three stories of enclosed passageways. The Cloak had two functions: To protect the west side of the castle and to discreetly shield the royals from view as they proceeded to the castle grounds beyond. The views alone are worth the walk, but the feeling of decadence tops everything.
Towering
If you’re partial to a spot of trompe l’oeil, you should check out the Masquerade Hall. This Rococo confection is a temple to the superficiality of wealth and power. It boasts the high art of high-status aristos enjoying full-Monty masquerading, captured in "Commedia del Arte" style on the flamboyantly painted walls.
From the Masquerade Hall, the upper Cloak Bridge passageway gave direct private access to the Royal Box in the Castle’s most flamboyant feature, its Baroque theatre. Talk about making an entrance.
This royal theatre is more impressive than Versailles’. It doesn’t just have copious twiddly bits, but working 18th century machinery for changing scenery, playing music and even creating thunderstorms.
Just as you think things couldn’t get any more extravagant, you arrive at one final piece of theatrics, the formal gardens.
High up above the postage-stamp-sized town, with expansive views of the landscape beyond, the gardens flaunt, flounce and unfold in majestic perfection. It’s a cliché to say they take your breath away, but I did stand there gasping for a minute or two. Maybe it was the climb?
This may well be Bohemia at its best. but, If I say the food is also thoroughly Bohemian, note the capital ‘B’. It’s about as conventional and traditional to the region as it gets. If your idea of food heaven involves knuckle, dumplings, goulash, pickled cabbage, wurst and worse, ČK should fatten you up nicely. However, if your tastes are a little more bohemian (small ‘b’), it’s somewhat slim pickings.
My ass was saved (literally) by discovering My Saigon, with a pretty authentic pan-Asian offering, and Nonna Gina serving possibly the best pizza I’ve sliced outside Italy.
If not the food, possibly the most bohemian thing about Český Krumlov is the boating. An essentially pleasant paddle following the current as the Vltava meanders around the town, spiced up by a couple of exhilarating water chutes and the creativity applied to the craft and costumes available to rent. The 13th century costumes and floating beer bars deserve particular commendation, but really, anything goes.
This is Bohemia Central, after all.
Cesky colours
Shiele left a shadow on Cesky
OK, I’m telling a little porky here. The food may not exactly be Egon Ronay, but the most defiantly bohemian thing about Český Krumlov is Egon Shiele.
Born in Austria, the tearaway artist was drawn to ČK as his mother's birthplace. ČK in turn, however, wasn't drawn to Egon Schiele. His morals, antics and proclivities were decidedly too racy for this quiet little place. After a year in which he drew some notable works, but also lured most of the town's young women to his studio as models, he was ‘encouraged’ to leave.
Nowadays, of course, ČK makes as much as it can of its racy luminary. There’s a decent Egon Schiele gallery (although, for the mother lode, make the pilgrimage to Vienna). And of course, the obligatory Schiele tea towels and fridge magnets. I've often mused on what struggling artists would make of the suggestion that their work would one day grace a million tote bags.
For many visitors, Český Krumlov is a day-trip destination, taking in the castle, the not-so-rapids, then something substantial and stewed for lunch. Personally, that'd all make me queasy. For me, the joy, as ever, is in slowly appreciating the cobbles, the meanders, turning a corner to find you’re back where you began, or indeed totally lost, watching the sun slowly settle on the rooftops, knowing you’ll be around to soak it all up again tomorrow.
A quick note about the gateway, Prague. It's aforementioned castle is the largest ancient castle complex in the world, a small town in its own right, and definitely more than a quick visit.
Something about passing through Prague in under 12 hours made me feel distinctly Jason Bourne. Probably the combination of its Eastern Bloc vibes, an early morning departure from the central railway station and foreign Tannoy announcements. I felt like buying a pay-as-you-go phone, to place an untraceable call to my agent.
Prague hangs on to that socialist edge, with its mixture of grandeur and grit, Baroque facades and concrete monstrosities. But at the same time, it's developing all the trappings of a contemporary city; urban chic styling, extortionately priced coffee, places to hang out. I managed two epic meals, but passed on the Pilsner bathing experience.
Progressive Prague
Experiencing the timewarp separating progressive Prague and cutesy Český is one of the great rewards of travel.
Do overcome you child-catcher phobia and pay ČK a visit.
A Few Links and Practicalities
(Just sharing the love. I absolutely don’t get paid for these.)
Český Krumlov is about 90 minutes from Prague by train. There are also minibuses (including to Vienna too).
Krumlovsky Mlyn
www.krumlovskymlyn.cz/en/ubytovani
Yes, you really can rent one of these apartments. And I did.
You'd better be into wood though.
CK Shuttle minibus
www.ckshuttle.cz/transfers/#cesky-krumlov-transfer
Alma Prague
www.almaprague.cz/en/restaurant
I loved this Prague restaurant and it loved me back. Modern, but not uptight.
U Kalendů
Modern bistro mixed with traditional Czech cuisine and bakery in Prague's 'New Town' (not actually that new). Very popular with a young crowd. Don’t miss and do book.
Don’t miss;
Tourists leaving, town thinning out and the sun gently setting over the rooftops
The main parts of the castle are free to access, but worth paying to tour some of the more baroque bits
There's nothing quite like slowly drifting past CK on the river
